Silence Isn't Golden
by The Forgetful Bel
Summary: Lillian Nara is a teen whose life is turned upside down after a violent incident. Left permanently mute and dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, she finds herself outside the gates of Yamaku, wondering how she'll ever fit in. Contains OC and mentions of violence. Starts a bit before Hisao shows up. Might not have Lillian hook up with anyone, but will deal with her friendships.
1. Welcome to Yamaku

Author's Note: This is based on the game Katawa Shoujo. It's my favorite visual novel and while I probably can't do it justice, I thought I'd plop this down there and see how it goes. I wrote this while I was incredibly sleepy from muscle relaxers and that probably lead to my choice of disabilities for the main character. Right now it's just OC. I'm thinking it'll take place a while before Hisao joins. I wrote this in first person since it's hard to write for Katawa Shoujo otherwise. It's also my first time really writing a story in first person, so please forgive me if I change tenses sometimes. I'm trying really hard not to, so if you notice anything please let me know. Also, I know my OC seems a little Hanako-ish at the moment, but trust me.. she's not _nearly _as bad as Hanako. She just has issues dealing with people from certain trauma in her life.

I also have no idea if CFS and being mute is a legitimate enough disability to go to Yamaku, but hey. I'm pulling the author card. :) Also, I have absolutely no knowledge of CFS other than what I read on the internet and no idea about anything Japanese really, so.. all my information is from Google. I also don't own anything except for my OC.

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Silence Isn't Golden

**Chapter One:**

**Welcome to Yamaku**

I sighed as I stared at the imposing gate of Yamaku High School, the local school for the disabled. I felt my heart speed up at the thought of entering the school by myself and forced myself to take several deep breaths to calm myself. As I did so, I tightened my grip on my medium-sized suitcase, stuffed full of the essentials that I'll need for the year.

As I shifted the suitcase into one hand, the other nervously reached up to touch the green silk scarf delicately tied around my throat. As I nervously swallowed and winced at the pain I felt, I tried to shake off the sudden weariness that threatened to engulf me. Every day for the past few months has been a struggle, as weariness threatened to overtake me. I shifted my gaze to my feet for a few long moments as memories threaten to overwhelm me.

The yelling.

The cursing.

A slurred oath and then the pain.

The pain that sliced through me like a knife.

The pain that forever stole my voice away.

Tears suddenly threatened to fall down my cheeks as I remembered. My father yelling at me about something.. something I can't even remember. All I can remember now is him waving a bottle around in frustation and then suddenly.. the pain.

I was told that my father accidentally broke the bottle and slashed my throat. A deep, ugly gash that permanently damaged my vocal chords. The hideous scar that I now hide beneath a pretty scarf that matches my green and white uniform.

I didn't have the heart to write a note to the doctor to tell him that I was mute anyway. I hadn't spoken at all since I was six and a half years old.

Now I never would.

Now..

Tears fell silently down my cheeks as I felt the weariness deep in my bones.

CFS.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Brought on by the sudden trauma of my father almost killing me no doubt.

There isn't really a cure. There's nothing I can do about it, and not much that can be done about it.

It's unusual for people as young as me to have it, but there you go. Hardly anything about me is normal.

I look normal enough I suppose, except for maybe my scarf, but I don't feel normal. On the outside I'm crying, but on the inside I want to faint. I want to run away and never come back.

All I have to do is enter the gates and I can hardly bring myself to do that. I didn't want to go to this school. I never wanted to be disabled. I don't want people to stare at me.

Being mute and tired all the time probably doesn't seem like such a disability. But for me it is. Exercise is my enemy. Words that others toss carelessly around can never be spoken by me.

On top of that I've always been weak and prone to illness. It doesn't help that I have long, brown hair. It's not as noticeable as another color, but it still labels me as a foreigner. Finally stopping my tears I hastily wiped my cheeks and looked at the imposing gates again, surrounded by a red brick wall.

I ignored the fact that I was standing there all alone. No parents to welcome me to school and give me encouraging words. My father is in prison, and my mother..

I forcibly shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts.

I know I can't stand here forever, shifting from foot to foot like a small child afraid of a punishment. I glanced at my watch and my eyes widened as I realized that I'm late for class. I also realized that someone is waiting for me.

Trapped in my own thoughts and feelings, I had forgotten that someone from the school was supposed to be meeting me. With a soft sigh, I heaved my suitcase through the gates and made my way to the girls' dorms.

I couldn't help but gaze around in wonder at all the greenery around me. I don't know why, but somehow I expected the school to look bleak and imposing. Instead the grounds look more like a park than anything. Everything is well manicured and there are paths cutting through the lawn, leading to various buildings.

A small smile appeared on my face briefly as I took in the surroundings. After a long moment I realized that I had stopped walking and was just staring around at the trees.

I shook my head to try and straighten out my thoughts.

What was I doing again?

I glanced at my watch and the time jogged my memory. Oh! Class! With an inaudible gasp, I hurriedly made my way to my dorm and up the stairs. Barely sparing a glance at my room after I finally found it, I dumped my suitcase on the bed and I dashed back down the stairs and hurried into what appeared the main building.

Knowing full well I was going to pay for all this running later, I hurried up the ramps to the third floor of the school, after double checking where my class would be.

After I reached the top, I paused to catch my breath. Thankfully my hair wasn't in my face as I had tied it back with a big, green bow. I knew it made me seem younger than I am (that and my height), but I couldn't help it. I loved frilly things like bows ever since I was young.

I remember my first bow was given to me by -

"Ah, you must be Naru."

The voice interrupted my internal ramblings and my eyes widened. I involuntarily took a step back and stared at the man before me.

He was tall, and dressed in a long, brown coat with a black shirt and tie. His hair was black and messy, and despite the fact that he was nicely dressed he still looked a bit rumpled. In fact he didn't look scary at all, but that was my natural reaction to strangers.

I don't think I'll ever get over it. Nervously fingering my scarf, I lowered my gaze and shook my head silently.

"No?" he seemed confused. "Ah.." he looked back down at his paper and realized his mistake. "Sorry, I meant Nara. Nara Lillian?"

I could feel his gaze on me and I wanted to hide. I _hated _strangers. I gave him a small nod and kept my gaze on his shoes. Looking at people's shoes made it easier to deal with, but it also made it harder to read their emotions.

Clearing his throat, he tried to push through the awkward tension created by my forced silence.

"Well, Nara, it says here that you're supposed to visit the head nurse before class. Since it's a little late for that, you'll have to see him afterwards."

I nod my head at his shoes and he seems satisfied with my nonverbal answer.

"Now.. Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"

My head snapped up as I took in his words. I must have been staring at him with a deer-in-the-headlights-look since his gaze softened and he chuckled.

"I know you can't speak, but I heard that you've been practicing sign language. There's a girl in class who is deaf and has an interpreter. She could translate for you if you want. You don't have to, but.."

His words trail off as he looked at me hesitantly, as if I might break.

It's a look that I've grown quite used to over the months. Truth be told, I'm already broken. Not entirely, but it wouldn't take much to push me there.

Avoiding a quick answer, I quickly stared down at my hands and thought about it. If I started signing in class, it would probably mean that everyone would think I was deaf. Wouldn't be a bad thing, I suppose, since it might discourage people from talking to me.

On the other hand, it might mean that the deaf girl wouldn't leave me alone. I was going to have to deal with people anyway, being the new girl. What would the teacher say about me if I let him introduce me instead? With worried thoughts running through my mind, the teacher spoke up again.

"So?"

With a nearly audible gulp, I felt my head nod entirely of its own accord, without my permission.

My eyes widened as the teacher walked back into the class and started preparing them for me.

With a feeling of trepidation, I walked over to the doorway.

As I looked over at the class, all eyes fixed on me and I froze.

I couldn't move.

I could hardly hear the teacher over the thudding of my heart as I stood there, staring back at them with wide eyes.

What have I done?


	2. Trying to Face her Fears

Author's Note: Thanks to the person who reviewed my story. It was because of you that I kept guiltily thinking about this, and how I had a half finished chapter, sitting there and waiting for me to finish it. I should probably mention that I'm a horrible procrastinator and there will probably be long erm.. _pauses _in between chapters as life gets in the way. Anywho, with that said I hope you enjoy chapter two! Oh, and just so you all know: I don't own Katawa Shoujo or any characters except for Lillian Nara and anyone related to her.

Edit: Sorry if there's multiple updates or whatever. I keep finding small errors to fix. Blah, I knew updating in the middle of the night was a bad idea!

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**Chapter Two:**

**Trying to Face her Fears**

Dimly I heard the teacher mention something about the new student, which would be me. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, and then another.

It probably wouldn't make a good impression if I had a panic attack just about going to class. Besides, there would be others with problems. It's not like I'll be the only one.

Feeling a little better, I opened my eyes and forced myself to walk into the classroom and face the class. As I did so, I noticed the strangest looking girl I had ever seen. She had a huge grin on her face and very pink hair. The front hung down in curls, and.. they kind of resembled drills.

I couldn't help but stare a little as I saw her, but then a wonderful thing happened, if only for a moment. I forgot to be nervous.

"Hii~" she grinned at me, and I realized that she was signing at the same time. "So you're gonna introduce yourself! Good thing you have me here to talk for you~!"

I blushed as I realized that the teacher must have explained about my muteness. Giving the strange girl a shy nod, I turned to face the class. All eyes were on me, and I felt that paralzying nervousness return.

I bit my lip and lowered my gaze more toward the floor, and studied some shoes. That helped a little, and after taking another deep breath, I very hestitantly began to sign.

[My name is Nara Lillian], I signed, my hand gestures timid as I felt my hands shaking slightly.

"She says her name is Nara Lillian~! Cool, so you can be Lilchan~!" the strange girl's loud voice interrupted.

I must have jumped practically a foot in the air and I backed away from her a little. Loud noises easily frightened me and this girl was _loud. _

Taking no notice of my fright, she grinned at me and gestured for me to continue. I knew this was such a mistake, but it was too late now.

Biting my lip again, I continued signing more towards the floor than to the class.

[As you can tell, I can't speak, but I can sign a little,] I continued, [and I can hear just fine.] I wondered vaguely if I should mention my CFS, but decided that they didn't need to know.

"Lilchan says that she can't speak~! Well, duh!" the girl happily interpreted what I was signing, adding in her own comments. "Otherwise you wouldn't need me up here!"

My face fell and I could feel tears start to fill my eyes. Was.. was she really making fun of me in front of the whole class?

"She also says she can use a little sign language, but she isn't deaf!" the girl practically shouted.

"Misha.." the teacher interrupted. "We've talked about this. Remember your tone."

My lip trembled and I forced my shaking hands to sign the rest of my introduction.

[I hope I will enjoy my stay at Yamaku.]

I hurriedly finished, finger spelling the name of the school at the end and then practically ran to the first empty desk I came across. Tripping on my feet slightly, I barely made it there without falling flat on my face.

I heard a few snickers and felt my cheeks heat up in shame. Busying myself with getting out my notebook and science book, I failed to notice the rest of what the girl, Misha, was telling the class I said. I did however hear her walk up and loudly plop herself down in the seat right next to mine.

Great.

"Hey, Lilchan~." Misha said happily to me.

Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall when I was standing in front of the class, I looked over at her. She looked as happy as ever, and I noticed that a girl sitting nearby her was also looking at me.

The girl had short, black hair and dark eyes that were looking at me sharply from behind a pair of glasses. While Misha seemed to be oblivious to my being upset, I had the feeling this girl knew. She gave the impression that not much escaped her attention.

Our eyes locked for a second before I looked down at my desk. Glancing at Misha briefly, I gave her a nod. The only way I can say hello now.

My shoulders slumped a little as it hit me that I couldn't even say a simple hello to anyone. Not.. not that I would want to, really, but.. even if I did, I couldn't.

"You haven't met Shicchan yet~! This is Shicchan!"

Straightening up a bit in my seat, I looked over to see Misha enthusiastically gesturing to 'Shicchan'.

She must have caught my confused look, because she hastily signed to me.

[My name is Hakamichi Shizune.]

She had to finger spell her name for me, and with some embarrassment, I had to write down each letter before I understood what her name was. When I looked back up at her, she continued to 'speak' to me.

[Misha likes to make up nicknames for everyone.]

I looked at Misha, who continued to interpret for Shizune, despite the fact that I could understand what she was signing to me.

"Shicchan says that her name is Hakamichi Shizune~. You can call her Shizune!" Misha enthusiastically told me.

I nodded to her, saying that I understood. I wonder if she even realized how silly that sounded, since I can't even talk.

"Anyway~. Shizune is our class representative and she's head of the Student Council, so if you need any help with anything, feel free to ask her!" Misha continued.

I looked back down at my desk as Misha inadvertently stomped all over my feelings.

Feel free to 'ask' her. I suppose I could sign, or I could write her a note..

It's funny, I haven't spoken aloud in years, but now that I can't.. I won't ever make a sound for the rest of my life, I miss it.

I wish I could tell Misha that she's too loud. I wish I could have introduced myself by speaking.

I wish.. I wish my mother...

I closed my eyes and mentally shook my head.

I can't do this.. Not now. If I keep thinking about this, I'll start crying and I'm afraid I won't ever stop.

"Hey.. Lilchan!" Misha's talking again, and from the tone of her voice, it sounds like she's pouting. "Are you listening to me?"

I opened my eyes and looked over at Misha and Shizune. Sure enough, Misha had a pout on her face and Shizune was frowning at me.

[Were you listening to what we were saying?] Shizune gets straight to the point.

I blushed and looked back down in embarrassment. Apparently they were talking to me and I wasn't listening.

I don't know why, but my attention span has been very poor since my "accident". I'll start thinking about something from my past, and when I finally snap back to the present, I'll have no idea what was said around me or what was going on.

Sometimes I'll forget what I was doing, or if someone is talking to me, what was said. I don't know for sure if this is a side effect of my accident, but it's pretty frightening. I never used to have such a poor memory.

It felt like more than just my voice was stolen away from me.

Before Shizune and Misha could get on my case about not paying attention, the teacher, who turned out to be Mutou Akio, started his science lecture.

As I looked up to pay attention to him and take notes, I found my memory playing tricks on me again. He'll say something and when I go to write it down, I can't remember what he said.

In the end my notebook wound up filled with half-finished notes and looked horrible. Not to mention I'm so tired that I felt like I could put my head down on my desk and go to sleep.

As I contemplated how comfortable my notebook would be for a pillow, I jumped as I heard the scraping of desks. Before I knew it, Misha and Shizune had moved their desks over by mine, so that we're all facing each other.

Shizune must have caught my confused look again, as she silently huffed and signed to me.

[We're doing group work today,] she gave me a pointed look that said I should have been paying better attention.

Without further ado, she got right down to it, eager to finish I suppose. I looked over at the chalkboard which now contained the problems we're supposed to be working on.

With dismay I realized that I didn't really remember what Mutou was droning on about before, and even though I was listening, I didn't understand much of it. Science has never been my strong suit.

As I struggled through the problem I was supposed to be working on, I looked over to see Misha in the same boat as me. Feeling relieved, I resumed my work.

There wasn't that much work to do, but because Misha and I had problems figuring it out, Shizune wound up doing most of it. I can tell she's annoyed by it, by the looks she kept shooting at Misha and I.

I don't really know what to make of it. Is she mad because I'm not very good at science and she had to do more than her fair share? I looked back down at my notebook and tried to make sense of my notes and before I knew it, the bell for lunch rang.

Some of the students got up and hurried out of the classroom while others stuck around, chatting. I stood up, and just as I was wondering where the lunch room was, Misha grabbed my arm and enthusiastically began dragging me out of the classroom, while waving merrily at Shizune to pick up the pace.

I looked over at the teacher's desk for help, but Mr. Mutou seemed thoroughly absorbed in reading a science text. Before I could do much else, I found myself outside the classroom and in the claustrophobic hallway.

My eyes widened as I saw all the students making their way to the lunch room, or wherever they preferred to have lunch. I felt my heart beat quicker as I took in all the.. _people._

I wasn't used to being around so many people all at once. Before the 'accident', it was just me and my father, for years. All alone.

Sure, I had to go outside now and then to buy groceries or whenever my father was tired of having me around and wanted me to get lost for the day, but I was never around this many people at one time.

My thoughts snapped back to the present as I realized that we were stopped in the middle of the hallway, and Misha was looking at me with a worried frown. I blinked as she waved her hand in front of my face.

"Are you ok, Lilchan?" she asked with the frown on her face. It's odd, but despite the fact that she seemed worried, her tone still had that strange too-loud up and down lilting quality.

I looked around at all the people in the hall, and took a few steps back.

I can't do this.

I can't.

I could hear my father's harsh voice ringing in my ears, yelling at me for being worthless, ungrateful. I could hear him calling me names, telling me that I'm just a brat who doesn't deserve all his 'kindness'.

I closed my eyes as I could hear the whoosh of air as his hand prepared to come at me, and that was when someone accidentally bumped my shoulder.

If I could, I would have let lose a blood curdling scream. Instead, I gasped silently and broke into a run.


End file.
